People code-switch all the time. The way you talk to your grandma, for example, is probably not the same way you talk to your friends. Ditto your boss and coworkers, friends and family, local barista and roommate who switches on the coffee machine before heading off to the gym in the morning... You have different "languages" for each situation you're in, and you probably aren't even aware that you're shifting between them all the time because it's effortless.
So when you're talking to a potential match on a dating app, it's hard to know how you're coming across. Confident but not cocky? Genuine but not desperate? Funny but not cringe?
One mistake we see time and again on HUD App is people - all right, usually it's guys - who send messages that just immediately give us the ick. (We've said it SO MANY TIMES, but can you please stop leading with pics of your peen. We beg you. Talk to us first.) It might sound old-fashioned, yet there is something to be said for manners - having them, using them - when you're getting to know someone.
It may not exactly be a family show on the apps, but that doesn't mean you should start effin' and blindin' up a storm right from the start. Keep it clean. Some people still find swearing off-putting or offensive, especially from someone they don't know. If curse words are part of your everyday vocabulary, we're not judging, but consider your audience. Swearing can come across as very aggressive and can be perceived as disrespectful. Try to tone it down until you're both comfortable.
If you describe yourself as "sarcastic" in your app profile one more time, we swear... Look, a bit of well-placed sarcasm can be funny, but do we want sarcasm all the time? No, we do not, because it's annoying and instead of thinking you're hilarious, your date will start to see you as cynical, negative, and grumpy. Remember that sarcasm doesn't come across well in text/messaging - it needs to be accompanied by some body language, a tone of voice, a facial expression, all of which might not add up if you're communicating virtually. If you're constantly using sarcasm in conversation, you might be making the other person feel attacked or like you can't talk about anything serious. So... Watch it.
Do you go straight to commenting on the body parts of your match or date? Why? Would you do that to your boss? To a coworker? To the supermarket checkout worker? If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, you are about to get schooled. Please do not treat people like they are pieces of meat which you are ordering at a restaurant and consuming. Humans are more than just their body parts, attractive or otherwise. We love a compliment, but if all you're interested in is our physical attributes, we're going to think you're shallow. Try a compliment on something the other person thinks or says. Ask them to share their thoughts on a current event and then chime in.
Do not use ChatGPT or any other AI tool to move your conversations along with your match. The robot sounds, well, robotic. It lacks personalization and nuance. It's fine if you want to ask AI for conversational prompts when you're feeling stuck, but ChatGPT cannot imitate how real people talk and you can't rely on it to do your talking for you.
The art of conversation is one of give and take. It's a dance between two minds. Don't sit back passively and make the other person do all the work. And don't dominate and take over, completely stifling their voice. Do you spend all your time talking about yourself? Or do you rely on your match to lead everything and just respond when they initiate? Eliminate these two cardinal sins from your conversational repertoire - match their chat energy. Show some enthusiasm and interest. Ask them about themselves. Share interesting stuff about yourself. Think of conversation like a balloon you're batting back and forth. Sometimes you've got it, sometimes it's theirs.
This is so trite and so true. Stop trying to be impressive and just be you. Would you rather talk to someone who was putting on a show trying to act like someone they're not, or would you rather get to know a real person? Talk like a human, be respectful, and behave yourself. Bring your best self - the person you want to be in your dating life is a person you should feel comfortable living with.
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