If you're not watching Season 3 of Bridgerton, what are you even doing with your life? The sexual tension has been building between Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington for four episodes already and frankly we're like Penelope at this point - poised on the edge of our seat waiting to find out what happens next. Literally.
Spoiler alert, we're going to be talking about Episode 4 - specifically, the last several minutes of Episode 4. Which take place inside a moving carriage. And which is one of the hottest five minutes of television we've seen this year.
Here's the short version: Upset Penelope is going home from a ball. Colin hops into the carriage with her. There's a mutual confession of feelings. About a minute-and-a-half later, Colin and Penelope are embracing in a passionate make-out session. Less than two minutes after that, Colin has his hands - his fingers - in a very specific place. At this point we were screaming YASSSSS GIRL YASSSSSSS YOU GET YOURS! at the screen. 35 seconds later, the carriage arrives at Colin's house and we were screaming OH MY GOD DON'T STOP at the screen. But this is entertainment. The plot must move forward.
Exactly. We're here to tell you how to recreate that sexy, sultry scene in real life, whether you have access to a horse-drawn carriage or not.
First, and this is very important, SOMEONE ELSE WAS DRIVING THAT CARRIAGE. And the carriage was enclosed. As in, it had doors and a roof. No one could see Penelope and Colin. (Hopefully the carriage driver couldn't hear them, but let's not go there.) Also, it was a private vehicle. This was not a taxi, a train, a bus, or your friend's Prius. So step 1: Find yourselves a private, secluded, non-public place. It doesn't need to be in a vehicle. In fact, we recommend NOT a vehicle, because you'll be cramped and uncomfortable. Don't do this while driving. Don't do this while someone else is driving (unless you've got their consent). Don't do this WITH someone else who is driving. Just... If you're going to be in a vehicle, make sure it's stationary and you're in the back seat and you're not someplace you could get arrested for public indecency. Be sensible. Okay?
Penelope and Colin are going at it to Pitbull's "Everything", albeit a stripped-back instrumental version. Considering that song is 4 minutes and 27 seconds long in real life, you might want to queue up a play list that's a bit longer. Music can really set the mood, so choose songs that are sultry and make you feel like getting down with each other.
The action starts with a declaration of attraction and some downright passionate kissing, then moves to racier territory. Kissing is a great way to become comfortable with the person you're with - it's intimate and feels good for both parties, and you can start off slow so you ease into the mood.
Before you get more intimate, make sure you both consent. In Bridgerton, Penelope gives Colin a shivery little nod before he slides his hand up under her petticoats. We're big fans of the clear verbalised YES! when it comes to making sure you're both into it. If there's even a hint of hesitation, back off.
In TV, characters rarely have the all-important discussion about STIs and sexual health and wellbeing. (We're going to give Colin and Penelope the benefit of the doubt and assume this took place offscreen.) But safety is sexy, so before you go down there, have that chat about your STI results and agree on protection. Good hand hygiene, clipped and trimmed nails, and finger condoms are important for what's going on in this scene.
There's not a lot of dialogue in the scene, TBH - mostly touching, breathy moaning, and some seriously sizzling eye contact. Try watching your partner, whether you're the one touching or being touched. It'll bring a whole new element of intimacy to the occasion.
Penelope and Colin are cut off by the carriage arriving abruptly at Colin's house. Clothing gets adjusted, they share a rueful giggle, and then Colin gets out of the carriage. The episode ends on a cliffhanger, but your experience doesn't need to! 35 seconds of what Colin was doing is not nearly enough for most people, so slow it down, take your time, and end on a mutually satisfied note. It's okay if you don't reach a natural conclusion (Penelope didn't) but do make sure you're both in a good space, both physically and emotionally.
It's fun to reenact the sexy stuff you see onscreen, but remember that real life isn't nearly as smoothly rehearsed. There might be some messy moments. It might take one or both parties some time to warm up. You might not like it and want to do something else! And that's okay. Do what you feel comfortable with and respect your partner's take on things.
And if you just want to watch your show and not try to live out the scenes in real life, that's okay too. Netflix and chill, baby!
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