Sleeping with an ex can be complicated, emotionally charged, and just plain exciting – in the “so bad it’s good, so good it’s bad” way. For some people it might give closure, while for others it can open a whole can of worms they should never have touched. If your breakup was amicable, it can be a sweet little fling, while if things weren’t great when you ended, jumping back into bed with an ex can feel more like a mistake you’re making on purpose.
Here are the benefits and drawbacks of sleeping with your ex – whether they’re a villain or a hero in your memory.
If your breakup was sudden, unexpected, or left unresolved, the chance to experience physical intimacy one last time might give you a sense of finality – closure of that connection, and an emotional release. It can be about saying a proper goodbye and putting a definite end to lingering feelings.
With an ex, there’s an established emotional bond and comfort level that might make sex feel less awkward or more satisfying than with a new partner. You already know each other’s preferences, habits, and rhythms, which can make the physical experience more comfortable and less about the unknown. If you’re feeling lonely or wanting physical closeness, a familiar partner might feel like an easy option.
After a breakup, you can feel vulnerable and think that intimacy will help fill that gap. Sleeping with an ex might offer temporary comfort or emotional fulfillment. This could be particularly true if you're still attached to them or miss the physical side of your relationship. However, it’s important to remember that the feelings are temporary – and fleeting.
If the breakup was painful or involved betrayal, re-engaging physically can drag up past hurt, resentment, or confusion. This may prevent healing from taking place and delay the emotional closure you need to move forward.
What might feel like a moment of passion or reconnection to one person could be interpreted by the other as a sign of reconciliation or an attempt to get back together. If you're not both on the same page about what it means, you risk giving false hope to your ex or yourself, leading to more confusion or disappointment down the road.
Instead of giving yourself the time and space to heal and grow independently, sleeping with your ex can keep you emotionally entangled. It might interfere with your ability to move forward and potentially start new, healthier relationships with other people.
Honestly, there’s no straightforward answer to whether you should sleep with your ex. It’s just… Complicated. You broke up for a reason, right? So it’s understandable that your feelings might be mixed.
There’s also the complication of dating someone new. Is sleeping with your ex – even if it’s a “friends with benefits” situation – going to overlap with a new partner? How does that sit with you? Your conscience is your own, but things can get messy if you have multiple partners who don’t know about each other, and you might not want to deal with any fallout. No matter what or whom you’re doing, you need to be safe, use protection, and be sure your and any sexual partners’ STI testing status is up to date.
Exes can sometimes use the advent of new partners in your life to reinsert themselves into your presence – especially if you’ve moved on emotionally but they haven’t. It can be super tempting to sleep with that toxic ex who was really good in bed, but what are their motivations? For that matter, what are yours? Be wary of the potential to undermine future relationships with an ex who just won’t fade into the background.
And often, while it might feel comfortable at first, reconnecting sexually with an ex can also go downhill fast. If you’ve moved on emotionally but not physically, the intimacy might feel hollow or out of place. You may find that the physical connection no longer matches the emotional one you once had, leading to awkwardness.
Ultimately, it might be healthier to seek closure and move forward independently, with your head held high and your intentions clear. Do what aligns with your emotional needs and look after yourself in the first instance.
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